Ci Demi

After walking around for hours, self-doubt crept in: “Can I not see anything anymore?” Then I came across this scene, I immediately stopped, and waited for people to disappear from my frame. This post is a reminder: I may not be able to see everything, but I will always see something.

This is not a “good” photograph by my standards (there isn’t a story, anyone could’ve taken it). But I took it in preperation for a fashion shoot. It’s colourful, the light is tricky, the camera’s sensor is very small… A lot of variables played into editing this one. I’m planning on using this as my “base”, and go from there.

The cameras that are dear to me:

  1. Fujifilm X70: It’s a fantastic little camera. Between 2018 - 2021, I used it almost exclusively. My addiction to 28mm comes from it. Sadly, I dropped mine onto of some rocks at a construction site and it shattered. It still works, but the lens and the LCD are busted. Its automatic focus capabilities weren’t quite good; in fact, I would miss a lot of shots — but also, my archive is full of pictures that were made with it. I’ve been literally yearning for a Fujifilm X80 for the longest time but the company seems to have no plans for it.

  2. Fujifilm X100F: Not so small, which is the reason I finally let it go in January 2022, but it sure feels like home. I’ve had 3 different copies of this camera. Whenever I got rid of it, I regretted it a couple of months later. I used it between 2017 - 2022. I shot practically everything with it, including the entire coverage of Sónar Festival İstanbul (2018). Do I miss it? Eh. After using the Fujifilm X100V for a while (I had loaned it from Fujifilm Turkey), it sure feels a bit archaic.

  3. Sony RX100M5: I had bought a copy of this camera in 2017 but it got stolen in December of that year before I could spend some time with it. Years later, in January 2022, I got another one and I have been shooting with it for the past five months. It’s lovely, the smallest camera I’ve owned (other than my brief fling with a Sony RX0 in 2018), and it’s really capable. It does leave me with wanting something more, but I will keep pushing its limits, until a more suitable compact is released.

That’s it: these are all that I use to make my pictures. The camera is a Sony RX100M5, and the light is a LumeCube. I do often push the limits of what the camera can do, but I enjoy being practically invisible with it. Everyone thinks I’m some tourist, this works in my favour.

Let me talk about a photograph. This is Stretch Out And Wait from my photobook project Unutursan Darılmam (I Won’t Be Upset If You Forget Me, 2019 - Ongoing). After my WePresent feature, this picture has become my work’s “cover photo” — anyone who shares my work includes this picture in their curation. Even while taking it, I knew this was going to be a winner; but in my depressed state of mind on May 20, 2019, I was sure that no one was going to see it. I’m quite pleased that I was wrong.

A certain sadness is attached to these days. It’s been, what, a month since it started? Maybe less, maybe more. I drink a lot of coffee, I smoke simply too much, I clench my jaw, and I don’t go outside to take photos as often as I should. I had some fantastic news this month (so massive that I can’t mention what they are), things are going pretty well — except, a certain sadness. Oh well.

March 22, 2021: Di messaged me for the first time on Discord. It was a link to Jakuzi’s song Şüphe (Doubt). She didn’t even know the group was Turkish, she just liked post-punk.

March 18, 2022: Di was with me in İstanbul, we were at a Jakuzi concert in Salon İKSV. I took a lot of pictures that night — as a former music photographer, I just couldn’t help myself.

The very first picture of my upcoming first photobook Şehir Fikri (Notion of A City, 2022). I took this picture on March 14, 2022 — right before we started editing the photographs at my publisher Onagöre’s office.